Seasons

The cold is settling in a little more and the drive is a little darker each morning. Today is rainy and it reminds me of Washington. Each new season that starts I wait for when things might slow down. Surely with the shorter days and colder weather we will experience rest. I know the truth is that each day has the same amount of hours, minutes and seconds and it is enough. Yet I chase something that I don’t even know if it exists or if it is even biblical. I fear that putting expectations that are unobtainable in front of me sets me up for disappointment and exhaustion far beyond what is even real. We all get a choice to say yes or no to what we have on our plate and there are consequences to those choices- both good and bad. Are those consequences worth the outcome? 

Markets have been slower than normal lately. My initial thoughts are rejection, frustration and jealousy of other potters that seem to have it so easy and effortless. Then I remember that I cannot handle anything more on my plate right now. I am able to barely keep up with orders and sales that I have achieved. I look at my inventory and feel so proud that after 3 years of making pottery I only have a handful of pieces available.

Family has been a source of hurt the past several years. Learning to let go of what I thought it would be like and expectations I placed without realizing it. Sometimes, however, it feels freeing compared to the alternative. We have worked hard to build this beautiful thing called life and I share it with the most wonderful husband and children. Those memories are ours. 

I have struggled with self confidence since moving to Wyoming. Everything and everyone is new and nothing is fully what it seems. It is exhausting to try to figure things out like a puzzle that affects not only myself but my children as well. In Washington, I had relationships established and friendships that were comfortable. We attended a church that felt like home. I was established in a job that I was confident in and I didn’t fear what people were thinking of me. Since our move, all those things got set back to zero. Four years later some things are falling into place but these past four years have been long and hard. These past four years have shaped us and grew us in ways I would have never imagined.

There will always be give and take in life. There will be seasons that feel heavier than others. Some seasons are going to last longer than others and the weight of each season is different. How each season affects us is different as well- whether it be physically on our bodies, mentally or spiritually. There will also always be another way of looking at things, someone else's shoes to step into. It becomes my responsibility to seek wisdom and truth before letting my feelings take over. We have to ask Jesus to be bigger than our hearts. 

1st John 3:20

We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.

Happy Fall. It truly is the best season. Praying to be confident in my choices and to seek Jesus more and the world less.